This is why they need a quarter!

Simon and I were discussing the plan for the week. I went over how he wouldn't be going to camp this week, as we were having a vacation.

Simon: It's not really a vacation.
Me: Well, when you don't go to work, camp, or school, it's called a vacation.
Simon: No. A vacation is when you go to a different state.
Me: You're going to sleep over at Uncle David & Aunt Marnie's--that's in Washington DC!
Simon: Washington DC isn't a state.

If only!

Jay & I are discussing the late George Carlin. I ask if Jay's seen the famous skit "7 things you can't say on television."

Simon: what are the 7 things?
Me: words you're not supposed to say; bad words.
Simon, in a stage whisper: oh! like stupid?
Me: sure.
Simon: in a softer whisper: and butt.

Time to make the candy...

Yesterday Simon & I went to the mall to get him new shoes. Walking to the shoe store, we passed by several darkened food vendors. After passing the Orange Julius, dark & abandoned, its machines covered with a tarp, I was distressed, but upon reaching the dark & abandoned food court, I finally figured it out.
"A ha!" I exclaimed, "it's because of the water main break."

Simon: but the candy store was open, don't they need water to make candy?
Me: yes, but I guess all the candy was already made before the water main break.
Simon: I guess they knew there would be a water main break and that people would still need their candy, so they made extra last week.

Ginormous

Simon is explaining his new board game, called "Mouse Trap."

Simon: ... and then it creates a ginormous vibration in this pole and then the trap falls on the mice.
David: Ginormous?
Simon: Ginormous. It might not be a real word.
David: Do your friends say it at school?
Simon: Mommy says it.

Probably

David is reading to Simon from a book called, "The Boys' Book: How To Be The Best At Everything." There is a section about space travel and how there's a lot of free time in space, so astronauts can email their family and friends.

David: If you're in space, will you email me?
Simon: Yes...
David: [Starting to read the next paragraph]
Simon: ... Probably.

Jaded much?

Simon, 6, and I are talking this morning about the schedule for the day.

Me: "...and then I'm going to come to the authors' reception at your school, and you'll read me your book that you wrote!"

Simon: "and you'll say 'that's so great!' and 'I'm so proud of you!' and stuff like that and then we'll go home.