(As told by Sarah)
Last night it snowed. (!)
we're all in Simon's bedroom saying goodnight.
Jay is looking out the window, trying, as always, to get Simon to laugh.
Jay: "I see a snowy car!"
Simon:
Jay: "I see a snowy elbow!"
Simon:
Jay [going for the cheap laugh]: "I see a snowy butt!"
Simon starts giggling hysterically and can't stop for like 5 minutes.
Me [rolling my eyes]: "why are butts so funny, anyway?"
Simon: "because they're stinky."
Saturday, March 17, 2007
New Calculator
Simon has a new calculator.
He is in the back seat playing with it.
All of a sudden there is a squeal of glee.
"This is a scientific calculator!! That means I can still use it when I'm a paleontologist!"
He is in the back seat playing with it.
All of a sudden there is a squeal of glee.
"This is a scientific calculator!! That means I can still use it when I'm a paleontologist!"
Friday, March 16, 2007
Two hotels
(Location: a hotel room in Sands Point, N.Y.)
Simon visits Lewis & Judy's hotel room. He examines the clock radio.
Simon: In my hotel, I have a black clock.
Judy: Mine is white.
Simon: In your hotel, the clock is white.
Judy: We're in the same hotel, Simon, just different rooms.
Simon looks at Judy. There is a pause.
Simon: In my hotel, the clock is black.
Simon visits Lewis & Judy's hotel room. He examines the clock radio.
Simon: In my hotel, I have a black clock.
Judy: Mine is white.
Simon: In your hotel, the clock is white.
Judy: We're in the same hotel, Simon, just different rooms.
Simon looks at Judy. There is a pause.
Simon: In my hotel, the clock is black.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
No volcanoes
(Location: a hotel room in Sands Point, N.Y.)
David: Look at this sign, Simon. It says, "No smoking."
Simon:
David: So that means we can't smoke around here.
Simon:
Jay: I guess we can't have a volcano around here.
Simon: Ohhhh! No volcanoes!
David: Look at this sign, Simon. It says, "No smoking."
Simon:
David: So that means we can't smoke around here.
Simon:
Jay: I guess we can't have a volcano around here.
Simon: Ohhhh! No volcanoes!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Fair Weather Fan
Simon and Jay are downstairs watching the Wisconsin/Ohio State basketball game.
I come downstairs to check on the situation.
Score: Wisc. 15, Ohio State 14
Me: Who are we rooting for?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Me: Who's the best team ever?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Me: Who do we always root for?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Ohio State scores 10 unanswered points while I'm downstairs.
Score: Wisc: 15, Ohio State, 24
Pulling a David, I decide my presence is unlucky and decide to retreat.
On my way upstairs I hear:
Simon: Daddy! Let's root for Ohio now! they're winning.
I come downstairs to check on the situation.
Score: Wisc. 15, Ohio State 14
Me: Who are we rooting for?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Me: Who's the best team ever?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Me: Who do we always root for?
Simon: Wisconsin!
Ohio State scores 10 unanswered points while I'm downstairs.
Score: Wisc: 15, Ohio State, 24
Pulling a David, I decide my presence is unlucky and decide to retreat.
On my way upstairs I hear:
Simon: Daddy! Let's root for Ohio now! they're winning.
Everybody's a good guy
Day: Last Sunday
With Jay out of town, it is up to me to read the Sunday comics with Simon. We read Prince Valiant only to discover that the protagonists are in a battle for their lives with the evil snake Morcheda.
Simon is concerned.
We move on.
The matter is not discussed publicly.
24 hours later, appropos of nothing:
Simon: "I think Morcheda is a nice snake. He's on their same team. I don't think they were fighting after all."
With Jay out of town, it is up to me to read the Sunday comics with Simon. We read Prince Valiant only to discover that the protagonists are in a battle for their lives with the evil snake Morcheda.
Simon is concerned.
We move on.
The matter is not discussed publicly.
24 hours later, appropos of nothing:
Simon: "I think Morcheda is a nice snake. He's on their same team. I don't think they were fighting after all."
Friday, February 9, 2007
we weren't there for this one
So I get to Simon's school this afternoon and am immediately approached by the Director. "Did you hear about what your wonderful son did today?" she asked.
No, I hadn't. But I was about to!
Apparently, during circle time today, they made a board with everybody's name inside a construction-paper heart. Each kid took a turn standing up, saying something nice about one of their friends, and putting a heart sticker on the construction-paper heart with that kid's name. For example, Ethan put a heart sticker on Trey's heart, saying "he plays Superman with me." I guess the idea is, by Valentines' Day, they'll each have several stickers on their construction-paper hearts.
So the activity continues. Apparently everybody is putting stickers on their best friend's heart. Simon's the last kid to go. He stands up, looks at all the hearts, notices that one kid doesn't have any stickers yet. He says out loud but in a whisper "Alex doesn't have a sticker" and says "Alex played with me outside" and put the sticker on her construction-paper heart.
Now, apparently, none of the teachers saw Simon playing with Alex, so at least according to them, he was making it up so she wouldn't feel bad that she didn't have a sticker.
Ana Liza apparently started to cry. Necy told me later that "if I'm still living in this country in 30 years, I'm going to hope that Simon runs for president so I can vote for him because he's the kindest person I know." Shamaurie was so moved that he went and printed out a few poems about doing nice things for other people and put them in Simon's cubby for him to bring home. And, they apparently told Gwen, the Director of the center because by the time I got there she already knew.
It was really quite something.
No, I hadn't. But I was about to!
Apparently, during circle time today, they made a board with everybody's name inside a construction-paper heart. Each kid took a turn standing up, saying something nice about one of their friends, and putting a heart sticker on the construction-paper heart with that kid's name. For example, Ethan put a heart sticker on Trey's heart, saying "he plays Superman with me." I guess the idea is, by Valentines' Day, they'll each have several stickers on their construction-paper hearts.
So the activity continues. Apparently everybody is putting stickers on their best friend's heart. Simon's the last kid to go. He stands up, looks at all the hearts, notices that one kid doesn't have any stickers yet. He says out loud but in a whisper "Alex doesn't have a sticker" and says "Alex played with me outside" and put the sticker on her construction-paper heart.
Now, apparently, none of the teachers saw Simon playing with Alex, so at least according to them, he was making it up so she wouldn't feel bad that she didn't have a sticker.
Ana Liza apparently started to cry. Necy told me later that "if I'm still living in this country in 30 years, I'm going to hope that Simon runs for president so I can vote for him because he's the kindest person I know." Shamaurie was so moved that he went and printed out a few poems about doing nice things for other people and put them in Simon's cubby for him to bring home. And, they apparently told Gwen, the Director of the center because by the time I got there she already knew.
It was really quite something.
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