Just regular lights

(As told by Sarah)

tonight on the way home we were late b/c we stopped to get something and it was getting dark...Simon saw all the Christmas lights in the neighborhood and got all excited, I said we'd take a walk to look at themwith our new 3-D glasses (the ones that turn them all into Jewish stars), blah blah so we were talking about Christmas lights and I said how we weren't going to have any on our house b/c we don't celebrate Christmas and he goes "well, I think we could put up some lights and put a big sign next to them with an arrow pointing that says 'these are just regular lights, they're not Christmas lights.'"

Animals on Jupiter

(As told by Sarah)

ok this was just hysterical. We (for some inane reason) decided to stop at a few stores after school/work yesterday. um, yeah, dumb. They even had the local news at the grocery store filming those poor fools dumb enough to show their faces at the store after work the tuesday before Thanksgiving. Yeah. Anyway. So we got stuck in massive traffic on the way home.

I decide to play a game where you say the name of an animal and then the next person has to say a name of an animal that starts with the last letter of yours.

it's going well for awhile:
me: zebra
Simon: anteater
me: rhesus monkey
Simon: yellow monkey
me: yak

then it got funny.

Simon: what's a yak?
me: it's some kind of special animal that lives in South America.
Simon: you made that up.
me: no, it's real.
Simon: ok, fine.
me: your turn.
Simon: kall.
me: that's not an animal.
Simon: yes it is. It's a special kind of animal that lives in South Dakota and is red.
me: ok, fine. Llama.
Simon: atz.
me: that's not an animal.
Simon: Yes it is!! It has a tail and it is very tall, or it can be tall, but some are short, and it lives on Jupiter.
me: there are no animals on Jupiter.
Simon: how do you know?
me: um.
Simon: it is so a real animal.
Me: ok fine.

it went on like that for like half an hour...!!!

Carpenter with an iPod

(As told by Sarah)

last night...

me: soooo Simon what did you do today at school?
Simon: we had a person come talk to us
me: about what?
Simon: it was a carpenter.
me: what did he talk about?
Simon: it was a GIRL!
me (chagrined): oh, right. So what did she talk about?
Simon: she showed us her tools and played us a song.
me: oh, on the guitar?
Simon (looking at me like I'm the dumbest person on earth): Noooooo. on her iPod!!! [obviously].
me (kind of confused): you mean she passed around the headphones?
Simon (very slowly, so I could understand this complex idea): Nooooooooo. She plugged the iPod into the stereo!

(the song turned out to be “parents are people” from Free to be You and Me” about how mommies and daddies have lots of different kinds of jobs…)

Luddite parents

Location: A museum

Docent: "Here, look at this phonograph. People used to spend their evenings with these things. It's like how now you sit around and watch TV?"
Simon: [Stares blankly]
Docent: "You know, like these days you watch TV."
Simon: "Watch what?"
Docent: "You know, the thing you watch all the time?"
Simon: "Oh, you mean my Viewmaster Stereoscope?"
Docent: [Shoots Sarah & Jay a "what-kind-of-parents-are-you" look]

My Greek Letters

Simon is studying a Greek book Jay's parents bought him a few years ago when they went to Athens.

Simon: Mommy, I'm learning my Greek letters.
Sarah: Oh?
Simon: Yes. They're different from English letters, kind of like Hebrew.
Sarah: [speechless]
Simon: Do you know Greek?
Sarah: No.
Simon: Well, I do. I think I will ask Bapa to teach me.

Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

(As told by David)

Me: Hello?
Simon: Hello.
Me: Simon, is that you?
Simon: Yes.
Me: What are you doing now?
Simon: I'm, like, calling you.

And a nose!

(As told by Sarah)

did I tell you Simon’s recent question?

Simon: where did I come from?
Me: um. Mommy and Daddy.
Simon: Did you buy me at the store?
Me: no. We made you.

(10 minutes later)

Simon: Did you paint me?
Me: no
Simon: did you make me out of wood or bricks?
Me: um. No.
Simon: fabric?
Me: well, you’re made out of skin and bones.
Simon: and a nose!